Safe Children & Healthy Families

• Strengthening Families: Tips for Being a Nurturing Parent
• Strengthening Families: Understanding Your Child’s Behavior
• Strengthening Families: You Can Do It!
• Strengthening Families: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Strengthening Families:
Tips for Being a Nurturing Parent

A healthy, nurturing relationship with your child is built through countless interactions over the course of time. Do not expect to be perfect; parenting is a difficult job. It requires a lot of energy and work, but the rewards are well worth it.

Help Your Children Feel Loved and Secure

• Make sure your children know you love them, even when they do something wrong.
• Encourage your children. Praise their achievements and talents. Recognize the skills they are developing.
• Spend time with your children. Do things together that you both enjoy. Listen to your children.
• Learn how to use nonphysical options for discipline. Many alternatives exist: redirect your child’s attention; offer choices; use "time-out."

Realize that Community Resources Add Value

• Take children to libraries, museums, movies, and sporting events.
• Enroll children in youth enrichment programs, such as sports or music.
• Use community services for family needs, such as parent education classes or respite care.
• Communicate regularly with childcare or school staff.
• Participate in religious or youth groups.

Seek Help If You Need It

• Talk to someone. Tell a friend, health-care provider, or a leader in your faith community about what you are experiencing. Or, join a support group for parents.
• Seek respite care when you need a break. Everyone needs time for themselves. Respite care or crisis care provides a safe place for your children so you can take care of yourself.
• Seek counseling. Individual, couple, or family counseling can identify and reinforce healthy ways to communicate and parent.
• Take a parenting class. No one is born knowing how to be a good parent. It is an acquired skill. Parenting classes can give you the skills you need to raise a happy, healthy child.
• Accept help. You do not have to do it all. Accept offers of help from trusted family, friends, and neighbors. Do not be afraid to ask for help if you feel that you need it.

Strengthening Families:
Understanding Your Child’s Behavior

All parents struggle with some of the things their children do. While there is no magic formula that will work in all situations, it is helpful to understand the kinds of issues that impact a child's behavior. If you understand these issues and know what to expect at different developmental stages, your reactions will be wiser and it will be easier to create an environment that supports and nurtures your child.

When your child's behavior is troubling, ask yourself:

1. Is this a growth or developmental stage?
Each new phase of growth or development brings challenges for the child and the child's caregivers. Eating and sleeping problems may occur during developmental transitions. It helps if caregivers are extra patient and loving in their responses. It's best to give the child choices, use humor, and be firm but supportive.

2. Is this an individual or temperament difference?
Not all children of a certain age act the same way. Some progress developmentally at different rates, and all have their own temperaments that may account for differences in behavior. Being aware of a child's tendency to be shy, moody, adaptable, or inflexible will help you better understand the child's behavior in a specific situation and guide the way you approach the behavior.

3. Is the environment causing the behavior?
Sometimes the setting provokes a behavior that may seem inappropriate. An overcrowded living or childcare arrangement coupled with a lack of toys can increase aggression or spark jealousy. Look around your home to evaluate it in light of your child's behaviors and see the environment from a child's viewpoint.

4. Does the child know what is expected?
If a child is in new or unfamiliar territory or is facing a new task or problem, he or she may not know what behavior is appropriate and expected. It is up to the parent to explain calmly what is expected and how others will react. Patience and repeating the message over and over again are necessary as children rarely learn or master a new response on the first try.

5. Is the child expressing unmet emotional needs?
Unmet emotional needs are the most difficult cause of behavior to interpret. If a particular child needs extra love and attention, rather than withhold that from her, it will be helpful to find ways to validate and acknowledge the child more frequently.

Adapted from Understanding Behavior: A Key to Discipline, National Association for the Education of Young Children and Judy Reinsberg, July 1999.

Strengthening Families:
You Can Do It!

All families want the same things for their children a safe home, a good education, and a chance to succeed. Together we can build strong communities where individuals, families, and children are valued and supported. This is as simple as getting to know your neighbors or working on a community project. Some examples:

• Get to know your neighbors. Develop friendly relationships with your neighbors and their children and grandchildren. Make your neighborhood your extended family. People feel better and safer, and problems seem less overwhelming, when support is nearby. It is easier to share your joys and your worries if you know your neighbors.
• Help a family under stress. If a family you know seems to be in crisis or under stress, offer to help — offer to babysit, help with chores and errands, or suggest resources in the community that can help the family such as faith community leaders, teachers, and doctors.
• Reach out to children in your community. A smile or word of encouragement can mean a lot, whether it comes from a parent or a passing stranger.
• Get involved in a local school. Join the parent-teacher organization and attend school events. Even if you don't have school-aged children, you can mentor a child.
• Keep your neighborhood safe. Start a Neighborhood Watch and plan a local "National Night Out" community event that brings together neighbors, local businesses, firefighters, police, and others. You can get to know each other by holding special events, and help keep your neighborhood and children safe. Visit www.nationaltownwatch.org/nno.
• Find ways to volunteer at local schools, community- or faith-based organizations, health-care clinics or children's hospitals, childcare centers, or social service agencies. Your gift of time makes a difference.

Strengthening Families:
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Have you given up your own plans to take on the diapers, daycare, teacher conferences, and everything else that comes along with raising children? You are not alone. The 2000 U.S. Census reports over 2.4 million grandparents have responsibility for their grandchildren. Whatever the reason that you are taking on this responsibility, you can provide the best possible care for your grandchildren while still preserving your own health and well-being.

Make the adjustment.

• Set up a daily routine of mealtimes, bedtime, and other activities to provide predictability.
• Help your grandchildren to feel at "home" by making room for them and their belongings.
• Work on communication skills. Talk to your grandchildren, and make sure that they know that they can always talk to you.
• Practice positive discipline that emphasizes education, not punishment, and that rewards good behavior with praise.
• Set up a few rules; explain them to the children; and then, enforce them consistently.

Find shared activities to nurture your relationship.

• Read. Children love to hear stories, and even older children may surprise you by sitting quietly as you read aloud. Children who see you read have a better chance of becoming readers themselves.
• Get computer savvy. If you don't have your own computer, use the one at the public library. The library may have classes or other free help for you. You'll find lots of things that you can do together on the computer, from games to school research.
• Take up a sport or other outdoor activity. Children of all ages need to be active. Physical activity may help your grandchildren feel better and develop a healthy lifestyle, and it can be an important stress reliever for you.

Take care of yourself.

• Find a support group where you can share your challenges with others who will understand.
• Talk to someone. This could be a friend or relative or a professional, such as a counselor, family doctor, or someone at your church or temple.
• Take a break. A short time away from your grandchildren may give you some time to relax.
• Take a parenting class. A class may help you to feel more comfortable with your status as a caregiver for young children.
• Learn to say "no." You don't have time to do everything. Learn to make priorities, and eliminate the unnecessary tasks in your life.